It was a horrible time but it forced me to re-evaluate who I wanted to be and what needed to be my priorities in life. As a result I handed the running of Babies & Beyond, the ministry I started at church, to my friend Jennifer. I was sad but I know she will do an amazing job. I also gave up everything that I was responsible for and turned down several things people had asked me to run or be involved in.
I won't lie, the first week was hard because I felt that I was letting people down. Having been raised by parents with abundent talents who help other people where ever possible (even if it means exhausting themselves), it was hard to see a need and not get involved. I felt I was being very selfish, but now a month or so on I'm finally getting back to being me. My house still needs a really good clean (fingerprints on all the paintwork and doggy paw prints in various places), but it is almost back to being how I want it. I never realized how much I hated opening a closet with stuff shoved in or trying to find something that wasn't where it should have been. Now I'm back to being efficient because everything is where it should be and cleaning up takes 1/2 the time.
The biggest change has been that I have no burden of guilt for all the things I should be doing! I get up, cook the kids waffles, pancakes or whatever they want before school (because I don't have to rush off somewhere), walk at the park (to shift the 20lbs I need to lose before James and Sarah's wedding) and then let the kids play at the park as long as they want (again because we don't have to be anywhere). Each day I tidy a bit more knowing that is will all get done eventually. I'm happy and I haven't shouted at the kids for a couple of weeks and of course they are behaving better too.
When I see pictures like this of Adam with all his babies (Nicolas is missing but Leo is there), it makes me realize that I've done the right thing. I know everyone told be to stop doing so much before, but I wasn't ready, I still thought I could do everything. I could, but family suffered as a result and I had no time for me. It was a sad day when I realized that as a Mom if I have a bad day, then everyone has a bad day!
Now everyday is a good day and there is no pressure on us, so everyone is happier. There have been alot of stresses on Adam and me recently, but we can get through anything and the few weeks of really bad times just brought us closer together and made me appreciate him even more.
My days are spent watching and appreciating my babies growing up and trying my hardest to be the best role model I can be for Jaden and Kirsten.
Adison loves the park and I love being able to sit and watch her explore and try to do everything that Nicolas can do.
We set up the sprinkler in the back yard (so the neighbors kids wouldn't see Jaden playing with his little brother and sisters!) and they had lots of fun!
Then on Saturday we went to Bowen's birthday party. Jaden had hit Nicolas under the eye with the Wii controller by accident during a very competitive game of tennis!
When the noise in the car gets too much for Nicolas he does this and pretends he's not here (he sits next to Kirsten which can get a bit loud at times!). Sometimes I wish I could too!
Adison is just happy to be around her brothers and sister!
Sam, Woody and Stephanie at Bowen's party
Erin and Bowen opening presents
Nicolas likes to channel his inner 'Lady Godiva' and ride the new unicorn naked! 
Life is fun here and I've not had so much time on my hands since Nicolas was born and slept all the time! The kids keep me busy and we are about to start Fall Soccer for Jaden and Kirsten, but I'm determined to say NO to everything apart from an Easter Egg hunt I signed up to run next year. Adam likes the relaxed me a lot more (he gets better food, a cleaner house and lots more love!) so he's pledged to help me say no too!!
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